The Business End

Is it okay for a man to wear a bra?

Yes, of course it is, I hear you reply.

A red-blooded heterosexual man parading around his bedroom in nothing but his wife's undergarments is a healthy past time for any latent rugby player. I think we can all agree on that.

Now, I've just been for a swim.

Is it okay for a man to wear a bra in the swimming pool?

Not quite as straightforward is it?

First of all I thought it was a rather masculine woman that I was seeing through the one-way viewing glass provided to sitters of the wooden sauna bench. (I don't go to swim of course. I'm not an idiot).

But he had on those stupid square swimming shorts that Italians and Daniel Craig wear. They matched his black bra which when he turned round (for man he was) barely covered his nipples. The dirty tart, I thought. Eyes glued.

He'd do a couple of widths and then climb out. The bra would slip down and he'd pull it back up again.

As sauna viewing entertainment goes, it was some of the best. It was right up there with the transsexual man coming out of the female changing room, a habit I have dabbled with myself since purchasing a suitable one-piece from Asos.

The worst thing was that his bikini top was inappropriately small. or narrow. Not high from up to down I mean. I mean if you were his parent, you'd have called him in for a word and chastised him for wearing it before sending him out with a shiny shilling to order the biggest turkey he could find for Christmas.

The worster thing was he didn't feel self-conscious. A British person who doesn't have the wherewithal to feel even slightly embarrassed adjusting his bra in the shallow end, is not a form of countryman that I recognise. He might have been a Scot.

And then of course, I noticed the matching black wristwatch.

'Ahh', I thought, 'a cardiac monitor. 

What a prat!'