Clarification

It's not that I don't care.

It's just that when you care about everyone,  the distance between care and love fuses.

It melts.

And, as every schoolboy knows,  when something fuses.. it breaks.

My job and duty is to make sure that that thing. 

Is nothing else but me.

Straightening the Curves

There are days that you wake up and all the world has changed.

I just discovered a moment ago that there was a cartoon series of the "Dukes of Hazzard".
I'm pretty sure it wasn't shown in the UK otherwise or I would be totally on board.
That joyful (live action) series that ran for 128 episodes. Some of us endured when the series when Bo and Luke were replaced by Coy and Vance before their triumphant return after contractual negotiations concluded.
It was not lost on me a few years ago when I walked into a bar in Juneau Alaska - the Red Dog Saloon, since you ask -  and a pianoman was playing The  Good Old Boys...as I entered

I remember the day my Dad came in as I  was recording that very theme on my Currys C90 and made a noise after the pressing of Record and Play.
Still hurts....still hurts.

Sometimes I think I am still in that living room.

Edges of Society

Recent reports have identified the most dangerous members of society - the ruthlessly sociopathic relatives and friends of quiz show contestants.

If I have to hear one more time....

"me Dad'll kill me if I get this one wrong" 

"Nan would murder me if take the lower offer"

"Me wife would finish me slowly with rat poison for breakfast, lunch and tea if I gambled"

Maniacs.

It's hardly indicative of a example of a nurturing home environment.

Laws of Physics

There are 2 things that defy the laws of thermodynamics:

• wet shower curtains, and 
• suncream
  

You know that they are the temperature of their surroundings.

But the Gods don't.

MF

I share a birthday with Miguel Ferrer. 

I found that out today.

Only one of us is a son of Rosemary Clooney and cousin of George though.

I found that out today. (It's not me)

He was one of those hugely powerful actors.

You would never guess by looking at him. But when he looked at you. When he opened his mouth.

I remember watching Twin Peaks the first time round with him utterly dominating the screen.

It's a gift that he completed filming on the new series.

Such power.

The malevolence that he betrayed in the original towerhouse powerhouse movie Robocop made you just want to punch him in the face.

He was brilliant.

61.

The 1 Stands for 1ntensity

Quotable Me : Proverbs

A man with no eyes is infinitely more blind than a man with just one.

Toughie

I was just looking at the next thing on my job list....

Mend the Blind, it said.

Yes. I thought, yes. I will.

I'll take up the challenge. I am your man.

All my healing instincts fused into a singularity and at once I knew why I was here.

But it just turned out to be a bit of frayed cord sticking in the roller.

I've called the dogs off.

Please Help

Some of the richest actors in the world need your help.

Ewan McGregor and Daniel Craig need YOU to send a fiver every out of your family allowance or every benefit cheque to make sure the head of the World Wildlife fund has an Audi with a 2017 registration plate.

The chief of the RNLI is barely scraping by on only £151,000 of your donations. Please help him. 

The head of Marie Curie is getting by on only £160,000 of your donations. 

Please give more, now.

The boss of Save the Children makes ends meet on only £234,000 of your donations. Can't you pit a little more aside for her well being?

Please don't make any of these heroes serve Prosecco at their next ball when they deserve champagne.

Failed drug charity Turning Point pays only £210,000 to its boss. What sort of pleasure can he possibly have on that at today's prices?

Wake up. Yes you, on the sofa in your pyjamas watching Gogglebox. These people are worth their weight in gold. Help them. 

What do you have in your purse? Send it now. Text this number.

And don't waste your time contributing to your local community or just helping elderly neighbours. That sort of drop in the ocean is exactly the twisted sort of thinking that is never going to influence national statistics.

Adopt a dyslexic tramp instead and we'll get him to send you a postcard. 

If you can, please give more. 

Not your time. Fuck that. Your money.

Not in a tin. Fuck that. Direct debit.

Now. 

Do it now.

[Gold should be posted in a padded envelope]

Thank You.

Retox

People talk about detox just about now. 

But detox isn't herbal medication from Holland and Barrett.

It's presumably some sort of a body cleanse, but because that term is essentially meaningless people haven't worked out what it is they should be buying or buying into.

Think of your body as a system of plumbing. Except one with everything it already needs to self-clean.

Basic maintenance is required -looking after yourself on a day-to-day basis.

And occasionally a larger servicing is required - a holiday, say.

But this is a system that you cleanse not with additional toxins bought from a shop or from the pharmaceutical industry but from your own natural chemicals within.

Your own chemical factory produces the molecules to flush your own system. It's the greatest trick on earth. Everything it requires is already included.

Your mission then, should you choose to accept it, is to remind the systems that they are alive and wake them up.

In the words of Ken Dodd... If you don't use your chuckle muscle, it drops off.

In the words of the medic or a physio, muscles atrophy at around 3% per day.

If you don't laugh, your mouth forgets how to. The world is full of mouths that look as though they have smiled in years.

So if you don't find something to laugh at (and you yourself are a good place to start), the chemicals cannot be released.

And they are the really good ones.

And I am afraid that your method of servicing may need to be tweaked along the way.

You may have a lifelong love of train sets or a similar hobby that will never ever let you down.Great.

But it's just a television series that you love to relax to, then you are on a countdown to disappointment.

If it music - by which I mean somebody else's recorded music that you are listening to, then the difficult 3rd album might drive you to distraction. It may be that making the album gave them good chemicals. But you need to find your own album. 

You need to be your own mixtape.

You need to find a new tool to crank the same engine. 

A good engine keeper doesn't just look after his engine, he looks after his tools.

A carpenter does the same thing. So does a painter and decorator.

So should you.

If you avidly watch TV, you will probably pick TV as your tool again. But a spin-off from Game of Thrones won't give you the service that you need. And it certainly won't give you an upgrade.

Such living by proxy means there are corners of your chemical factory that will stay permanently closed and unavailable to you.

Watching your favourite stars being interviewed telling you what fun they had making that movie is insulting. Who cares? You don't know them. That's them looking after their chemical factory. Look after yours.

The fact that the movie is pretty crummy means they've enjoyed themselves at your expense. They're laughing. Believe me.

We don't just cleanse from within. You can't tickle yourself.

You will need new stimuli that by definition will be external.

Travel maybe, people certainly, and just some wider exposure to the world. The remaining nice bits preferably.

Mix that up with a bit of listening to and noticing your body, some rest, some exercise, something green on your plate, love if you're lucky and friends if you have one or two that care enough to check up on you when the chips are down.

The simple things..

Get to it.