Monday 31 October 2016

The Seesaw of the Nerds

The opposite of belief isn't disbelief.

Disbelief is a quaint starry-eyed quality usually prefixed by the word "utter" which adds even more charm, and is rather a nice word in itself. It might easily, for example, describe a child's eyes the first time they saw Frozen.

'People' would have the opposite of belief to be something actually very negative. So disbelief doesn't cut muster.

The people I'm talking about of course are those who want to have their minds closed by belief. Locked in infinite walls of lead. Let's call them believers. You don't hear so much from them nowadays since the argument was convincingly won and the Pope started punching people on planes, but nevertheless, bear with me.

The believers would not wish to face disbelief. Because disbelief is too strong a concept. It's too "aghast"  at what you are thinking. So much so that really only pity can follow.

The believers would prefer to face "non-believers". Because they can define them in that way by looking down on them. They can give them a face. Let's say, oh I don't know, Thomas's for example.  And then they have an off-the-peg script ready to go that their rigid brains can relay.

The problem is that this isn't a seesaw.  At least not a balanced one with the fulcrum in the middle.

If you want to believe in supernatural fairies, gods, unicorns and celestial teapots, then you are very much going to be on a 1% seesaw. And you are on the shitty end.
You are very much not going to like the fact that the burden of proof is very much on you. 
Very much.

No, you're not going to like that at all. So you'd need to change the rules so that you can look down on other people and reassure yourself so you can feel that your argument is something other than clinically deluded. And that there must be something wrong with "them".

But the open-minded people with whom you have such a problem are.. nice. 
They're nice people. 
A bit speccy and greasy perhaps but they don't give you disbelief.  Even if they had pity they would probably be kind enough not to tell you in case it upset you. Unless you really wound them up of course. Actually you might wish to take a note from that.

They are kindly, harmless, rational clear-thinkers who subscribe to scientific method and the endeavour of human observation.
Nerds!
Yes, they might wear black T-shirts, claim to like bands from the 70s, watch too many show starring the dead, sport unfashionably lanky hair and generally be a bit socially awkward. But they are good people.

They are people for whom suspending disbelief is their stock in trade.  Being open-minded is how they do "being".  That's why they own the middle ground, which by any measure, gives them 99% of the seesaw. And this is the same middle ground that the religious delusion probably frames as Limbo or Purgatory or some equally harmful metaphor.

They own the seesaw and offer you kindness.
And you offer them a shitload of damnation.
And still the disbelief that you have more than earned, they suspend.
And if you fancied a game of Risk or Carcasonne, they wouldn't even bring it up. 

They are doing God's work.
Allahu akbar.

Sunday 30 October 2016

Rich Text

How much more leaked information must we bear? 
How many more files testifying to political corruption?
How many more dodgy documents?
How many more historic archives detailing the abuses of the past?

You'd think by now, the government would have clamped down on PDFs, wouldn't you?

Saturday 29 October 2016

Quotable Me #46

You don't reap what you sow in life. Other people do. 

That's how sowing works.

Friday 28 October 2016

Question Time

I just met a person who as an opening gambit asked me... 
Which building are you in?
I wasn't genuinely trying to be unhelpful, but I was a little thrown.
I knew the context of where I was somewhat, but I just didn't fully understand the question.
And it wasn't one I could easily bat away.
All my easy comically dismissive answers seemed more dismissive than comic, and actually pretty unhelpful to the process of small talk. So I didn't use them.I just looked a bit bewildered and pathetic for a bit, until somebody else took pity on me and told her. It's not just university people who are doing this.

It turns out that this is the sort of question you get when you're teaching at a University.
The building clearly represents the contract or specialty in which you may be doing research or teaching. But more accurately it appears it represents your identity in that sphere.

I remember being asked a question some years ago in Edinburgh that caught me out for a second
Are you in the business?
What business ?
I should have known . I was in the entertainers' bar chatting to two entertainers, one of which was Paul Zenon, the excellently sceptical magician, who was pointing out to me Rich Hall just behind him.

Of course the business was show business. There's no business like it.
I just wasn't expecting the question.

I'm intending that this sort of thing won't happen again.
But the fact is I'm not sure which building I am in. 
And I'm not even sure if I'm in the business.

Thursday 27 October 2016

Bargains Galore

There's an unprecedented sale on at Waitrose.

For a limited period they are lowering the cost of as many as half a dozen of their most popular items, all the way down to that of their highest priced competitor.

So if's it is a price-matched Hazelnut and Radish Salad Dressing you're after,  it is your lucky day.
Head right over and start counting those savings.


For the avoidance of doubt, I think Waitrose is quite expensive.

Sunday 23 October 2016

Quotable Me #45


Take the torch from those who've inspired you. 

Then shine a light in both directions

Saturday 22 October 2016

The Future of Words

It's all very well having international songs.
But how is a song about Georgia supposed to connect with me, an Englishman?

I can go for a bit of New York New York.
We know New York from the movies, and from the work of Sinatra and Al Qaeda.

But these days it's all about taking global... local.
Power is being surrendered (at least in easy inexpensive gestures). Everything is moving out.
There are local assemblies. 
Local news.
And now local satellite channels.

Why not local lyrics?

Filey. Filey.The whole day through
Just an old sweet song
Keeps Filey on my mind

Now I can connect the dots..... What's wrong with that?
 
He's leaving 
(Leaving)
On that midnight train to Barnsley. 

That's more like it, isn't it? 
Now I know where I am.


Sweet Home Market Weighton?
Why not?


There she stood in the doorway
I heard the mission bell
And I was thinking to myself
'This could be heaven or this could be Hell
Then she lit up a candle and she showed me the way
There were voices down the corridor
I thought I heard them say
Welcome to the Travelodge Wolverhampton

It's a genuine improvement isn't it?

Do You Know the Way to Stoke-On-Trent ? 

Knutsford City Limits?

Each and every one a massive improvement.

You are with me on this, aren't you?
Start spreading the news.

Friday 21 October 2016

Standards

It's one thing going in for tattoos and piercings and instagram but try to get the basics right.
Good grammar, for example, is how you should end all your sentences with.

Wednesday 19 October 2016