Coconut Dreams

When exactly did we get the demise of the Coconut Cream (biscuit)?

Now you may not know exactly (and I mean exactly) what I am referring
to. Frankly that's something you need to look into about yourself. I
know what I mean.

They were small. Bite-sized, really. Smaller than your average biscuit.
Oblong.
And they had a rough outside of the sandwich. The roughness was the
coconut of course.
And they tasted coconutty.

Now I know coconut is not everybody's cup of tea. So don't call me out
on that (as our American cousins might say). I have tried to Google an
image before going international with my observation but frankly the
entities masquerading as the Coconut Cream I consider something of a
national disgrace.

One company that I have never heard of is even producing custard
creams (with full custard cream patented design features) and
labelling them Coconut Creams. Presumably speculating that by adding a
little coconut flavouring, a coconut cream is made. That for the
record is totally unacceptable. Cheeky bastards.

Another company is producing some sort of ridiculous pink and white
marshmallow affair. I don't think these are new but surely we have to
be clear about what the Coconut Cream is. And that ain't it. It's
nearer to a snowball.
When I want mallow. Believe me. I'll ask for mallow.
Philistines!

I did think about asking the lady in Asda if she could clarify and
supplant any information onto my current script.
But I couldn't think of any way of doing it without appearing utterly
charming and looking like I was hitting on her (as our American
cousins might say).

So realising the quest was up, I just stood staring at the Bourbon
creams, the unpronounceably Nice biscuits, and the ginger snaps.
I took a deep breath and saluted.

You may not know exactly what I mean.
But at least I know what I mean.
I was there, man.
You don't understand.

I left the aisle. But not before conscripting a pack of Highland Shorties.