Going Bananas

At what point of certainty do we reach our decisions?

Consider this....one of the most personalised judgement calls we make.

When is it OK to split a bunch of bananas that you don't own?

Of all the retail products we come across, why is it OK to tear these in half?

If you are trying to buy five bread buns, we wouldn't take one out of a packet of six and leave it behind.

There is no sign saying it's OK to damage plantain-based product.

You wouldn't halve a bunch of spring onions and reattach the elastic band, would you? Would you?

Admittedly the supermarkets  do halve and reseal the occasional cucumber, at the same price as the full one. But that's just marketing. And that's their business

The fact remains that nobody has ever been known to eat a full cucumber.

But this is bananas.

Why is this OK?.

They look like a smile.

And  they are yellow.

Now in Asda today, I witnessed a horror. I was dallying over the banana section wondering if I should indulge.

An older man in front of me was pawing at three or four bunches. So much so that the time he was taking drew my attention so I gave him a Paddington stare, largely wondering when he was going to stop.

Eventually he sensed me (I was behind him). I can't prove that he sensed me but that . is my strong suspicion.

He then pulled off one banana. One! Put it back and selected put the other five in his trolley.

Now splitting a bunch of bananas is one thing but leaving a single banana behind...

What sort of a maniac would do that?

It is criminal. Inconsiderate. Madness.

I was desperate to know  his best excuse and was preparing my opening volley as he pushed his trolley away onto the carrot section.

I took a deep breath. This wasn't going to be easy.

But these are tough times and I reminded myself I'd faced worst.

I started to notice the mini bananas which looked intriguing  and wondered if I should indulge.

Than a lady came up  (I call her a lady ) and started pawing  and poking at the bunches of bananas. Again. Was this some sort of hidden camera show?

Three bunches. Four bunches, she prodded 

And then she picked up a bunch and split them in half. 

Right in front of me.

And do you know what you did then? Do you?

She put them back.

She both halves of the bunch she split back?

By this time I was looking around for uniformed officers. My gob had been well and truly smacked.

I stepped back. She sensed me. They all do. But I elected to watch this pantomime until it's denouement.

She picked up another couple of bunches and then eventually chose another.

She split one off. One !!!!

And put the other five on a trolley. (And went on to the carrots).

Maybe you wondered where these single bananas come from?

Maybe you thought there was a good excuse, a good reason.

No. I'm here to tell you that there are banana-separating maniacs on the loose.

My heart was racing at the injustice, the harm done.

What else could I do?

What else would anyone have done?

I phoned an ambulance, and in the absence of glyceryl trinitrate with an appropriate expiry date, went off to find the Murray Mints.