Fizz Off

Today I am retiring my Sodastream.

I know. You thought they were all retired many years ago.

Indeed although it was not this model, we had one in our family home as children.

The bottles were glass.

The machine was beige. And levered.

It cracked and crunched into position before you got busy with the proverbial fizzy.

You earned your spurs by not adding the concentrate too soon.

You became practised at cleanup.

But altogether, it was, let's face it, a jolly good wheeze.

So much so,  that many years ago I bought one myself and I've had it ever since.

I always wondered why they were not more popular. 

"Free fizzy drinks" means not carrying shopping bags full of soon-to-be flat water from the supermarket.

It is calorie-free fizz.

I'll wager if they were built into a third tap alongside hot and cold, every posh house would have one. Possibly even in the bath.

And once you rumble that you should never use their branded concentrates, you can add anything to them.

You never need to add anything sugary.... so it is the perfect GI diet drink.

It is the perfect diet drink.

But times move on.

We grow old.

Three years ago, they discontinued my canisters.

Which means they effectively discontinued my machine.

Some business minded smart-arse with a plan, no doubt.

A couple of years ago I managed to find myself a few cylinders a little north of where I live.

The last one has just run out. (Okay, admittedly, I'm not that busy with the fizzy)

Despite the advances of the Internet and e-mail, now there are only two options available to me.

Scrap the machine.

Or buy a home-made valve which allows me to personally refill my own cylinders, possibly by cosying up to the local fire service.

Believe me, I am tempted towards the latter. (Not in a homoerotic way just because I don't like to throw things away)

But even for me that is perhaps a palaver too far.

Even for me.

So today it's goodbye Sodastream. (I'm still struggling to find a way of disposing of the cylinders but it will come to me).

Thank you for your service.

Everything dies.

Everything moves on.

Thank you.

And good night.