Nine things I'm right off

• Buttering a cracker (too risky)
  
• People who email me and haven't capitalised their own name
  
• Spelling hygienist (too risky)
  
• Simon Mayo
  
• Anybody who feels the need to dry their used teabags
  
• Biros that trick you into thinking they still work
  
• Accidentally sitting on the toilet when the seat is up
  
• Coffeemate sticking to the spoon
  
• That bit of the Tom Jones song when he goes "I think I'm going to dance now"