The Full I Am

Do you know why you admire the entertainers you do?

If you're a woman who watches TV on a Sunday night then it's easy. 

You admire pretty men shot in nice lighting, who take their shirts off. 

Well done girls. 

I know it's all about emancipation nowadays but the ratings don't lie and I forgive you need for pornography. Men are shits.

I'm really speaking to the more discerning sort.

Not men. 

Because it you're a "man" who fulfils his destiny and watches Sky sports, then you admire morons who kick a ball about. I'm not saying the occasional footballer didn't get an O level, but generally...

The first of these two groups have never done it for me. If Poldark manages to keep his shirt on for the full 60 then I'm good with that.

There was a time when Newcastle United made me party to the second but not anymore. There's no inspirational Bobby Robson, no Kevin Keegan.

There's a fat man who exploits and abuses 17,000 employees, and for some reason isn't in jail. He owns the footballers who entertain you. 

Ask me to admire him. 

Go on. 

I dare you.

And I think I have just realised why they don't impress me much. 

There is no risk.

Barring the occasional penalty taker, they put nothing on the line.

It leaves the footballers with plenty of time to concentrate on their vanity, Vanity, and Hello magazine photo shoots. (Forgive me the Oxford comma...I've never used one before... and the joke seemed to require it).

Their designer T-shirts should really read "I had one job".

They're not to be admired, any more than the politician who has never done a day's serious work in their life in any sort of business. Ever. 

But then of course worshipping politicians is not something we suffer from.

Is it, Keith Vaz?

The people I admire are the artists. The risk-takers. 

They actually risk too much. 

The ones who strip themselves to the bone. Who expose themselves to the world. They take a hit on their soul, to their mental health, and on their sense of identity.

They don't always get it right.

Many shouldn't try.

Yes, there is vanity, and yes some things should not make it to the stage. 

Some things should be left in a diary. Not all forms of expression are interchangeable.

But in its purest form, there's more truth in theatrical entertainment than anywhere else.

Watch our entertainers.

Naked and alert.

Taking little (generally), and yielding all (frequently).

Going against the flow but surrendering to a ripple.

Support our entertainment in all its forms. 

It is not just the trapeze artist who puts it all on the line... for you.

And if you haven't seen it, catch the remake of Are You Being Served? on iPlayer.

It's a hoot.