Stitch in Time

As I was shaking hands with a girl today I noted how soft her hands were.

For the uninitiated that's the sort of thing you do with girls.. comment on a pretty frock, ask her what her Dad does for a living, and follow-up with a few questions about knitting.

If her reply should give you the idea that she doesn't know what a frock is (never mind own one), that she doesn't know who her father is, and given the choice between pearling one and stitching one she'd probably punch you and go to the pub... then you can wish her and her many tattoos a pleasant evening, tug your forelock, tip your cap and put her on a carriage home, slapping the horses rear end with whatever velocity your cane can manage. You already have all the information you need. 

"You have lovely soft hands", I said. "That's because you've never done a day's honest work in your life", I embellished.

She was a lawyer so I don't think there was any factual discrepancy but I have to tell you that she took some offence to this.

Being a polite sort of a chap, I immediately took it upon myself to backtrack and said that I meant to say that her hands were actually quite rough.

"I've never been so insulted in all my life" she replied again, almost as though I were making this up.

This was to be the last Metafit class on a Monday as it is being replaced by the more lucrative Boxercize which I still have to consider whether to join, attacking people in the direction of the head not being my usual "thing".
But, as a streetwise sort of fellow I'm quite handy with a bit of punchy-punchy but then again, these classes are mainly female. So I explained to the same girl that when I hit a woman, it's rarely in public and never in the face.

But did she find it reassuring?

Well, I think you know what she's like by now.

Being a polite sort of a chap, I immediately took it upon myself to backtrack and said that I meant to say, "If". I emphasised again "IF..IF..I hit a woman, it's rarely in public and never in the face.

Fortunately that put her mind at rest and we are going out to the pictures on Tuesday.

It really is a minefield, isn't it?