Play Areas

Life is a load of balls.

If you fill it up and pack it down, there's no room to move your balls around. There's no room to let your balls breathe. If your chosen balls fit all too tightly into their box, there's no see flexibility, no room for to and fro, for give-and-take, for pull and push.

There's no room to vibrate.

Every new-age Guru spouts on about vibration. I suppose it speaks to the universe. It has a somewhat pleasing attribution at a sub-atomic level. It's a nice word, and to many it's a nice feeling at times. It is a usefully vague concept. Critics might argue it covers a multitude of sins but there's something reassuring about it.

Imagine your life as an IKEA play area, no, perhaps a garden planter filled with tennis balls. If there are too many things in your life, too many balls in your box, there's no room for a random bit of Brownian motion, no room for things to develop in the spaces in between. And when you think semi-poetically about concepts such as this you stumble across areas that others have stumbled across. The Spaces In Between, I just realised was the title of an Edinburgh show I went to see a couple of years ago. And equally recently I stumbled across a concept that Daniel Kitson spouted last week in one of the hundreds of ideas he throws away brilliantly. (And who's to say if more of mine and Dan's ideas coincided, that he wouldn't have an even more successful career. You certainly wouldn't find me arguing against it).

But that is the point of course. Our ideas must coincide for them to connect.

They fly because they land.

Sometimes you have to take a ball (or two) out of the box to allow space for vibration. 

Then you can enjoy the rattle, the uncertainty. Deliberately add in a chance element. Challenge yourself with the space. Notice what you fill it with, or how it feels itself.

Allow the vibration of the universe to tickle you. 

In the balls.

8 Things I Don't Care For

1. Anyone who sticks their tongue out on photos. (And everybody they know).

2. The other singer in Madness.

3. SCART sockets.

4. Dentists who push Sensodyne.

5. The crippingly inane Dermot O'Leary in all his pointless guises.

6. Unlocking my car over a street drain.

7. Anyone who says they are speechless.

8. The lyrics to Mack The Knife.

I'm On Fire

Usually when I'm visiting a detainee, I try to have a chat about change. They are frequently addicts, often they use services incorrectly. Currently I am warning them against using A&E, who struggle in my region to give out head injury advice after a head injury. They think this institution is going to engage with these difficult clients in a meaningful way and when they don't, they ruin it for every other primary care institution that may be able to help.

Cutting to the chase a little, when the "patients" ask me what should they do, I suggest to them that they start with their  lowering their expectations of the NHS and attending their GP. Then I reel off caveats. Caveats that their GP may be useless and put them off using medical services ever again. Caveats that their GP may be an excessive prescriber, so I warn them that receiving more drugs is not the aim. And various others caveat I could add, that might help align their expectations and avoid the process breaking down again.

Very few GPs, counselling, psychiatric, psychology services are aimed at supporting and instilling change.

That's why they don't work. They would possibly argue they are not "trained"  in this. It seems to be a usual refrain. 

So when, as yesterday, I saw somebody who had been under this process for 4 years (not that long in the vast scheme of things usually) and asked them to identify what had helped, he struggled. Because things had got gradually worse. Whoever was "helping" him wasn't even keeping up with the present, never mind trying to install some protection against future.

I did my usual proclamation to "start with your GP" and work on from there (despite the caveat that many GPs don't like to engage with drug addicts, I still explain that they are responsible for all their other health issues).

One man a couple of days ago was pretty stunned by this approach - "you mean I can just go to my GP and talk about stuff", he said. "YES", I screamed internally. "Of course", I quietly announced,  slapping my forehead with the heel of my metaphorical hand.

I've often suggested changing GPs when things aren't working. But this week I have reframed this suggestion.

And, as yesterday, I suggest that a GP who is ineffective and uninterested, receives the "sack". 

"Sack your GP!". Yesterday's detainee-in-question raised a smile of astonishment. Before he over thought the suggestion and called me a knob. 

Then he almost begged me to talk more. But there were other things to do. So I verbally forgave him in advance for being a cheeky sod, offered my usual suggestion of... "If I given you any useful pointers here, act on them, if not, throw them out".

And left for the next case.

Irritation is the start of change.
And getting inflamed is a good way to kickstart the healing.

Ask any verruca.

Robo's Right.

What is it about Nike sponsorship? Tiger Woods, Lance Armstrong, Oscar Pistorius were all signed to the Just Do It brand.

Not only do Nike pick lousy role models, their fundamental philosophy doesn't stand up to rigour.

Just Don't Do It, might be a better fit.

Just Think About It First, would be even better.

It makes you wonder who supplied Jimmy Savile's tracksuits.

Fallen Sergeant Alex Murphy went on to be rebooted and reanimated as Robocop.

He had it right. From the lips of Robo himself....Think it over, Creep! 

Come on, Nike Brand Development, you know where to find me.

Praise Be

When I go out into the world, I try to do good. I try to be an instrument of change. But if I succeed in doing good, it's not really me. It's not really me that is doing the good. Of course not. Inside, you know who it is.

It's Jesus.

The mistakes are mine. The days when I don't do as much good or make those changes are entirely my fault but if I do succeed in any small way, at any time, it's thanks to the love and succour of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.

I am here purely to be an instrument that will speak through God's love, in the voice of the baby Jesus who was a divine gift who allowed us all to live in his glory, forever after. And we hope to sit on his right side as we go out into the world, free..... thanks only to His grace. It is my privilege to act as an instrument of his glory.

We all speak with one voice.. and that voice is the tiny, squeaky voice, the high-pitched uncrying voice (because he didn't cry, you know. You know that don't you ?), the tiny voice of the baby Jesus... Jesus Christ Superstar.

We are here to be his tool of work. To live through him and to be his instrument.

His instrument of love, and His instrument of grace and the glory, free of rhetoric or repetition, forever more.

I am only truly happy in His divine love when I can do  good through Him, for Him, in Him and with hymns.

Believe me, when I tell you I am the greatest instrument for Jesus that I can be.

You won't meet a bigger tool than me.

I See Your Point

When trying to offer the occasional criminal a bit of free, positive advice, you have to choose your words.

In pointing out the advantages of making decisions that do not lead directly to custody, I suggested to one recently... "Why don't you resolve never to come here again?"

"I would", he offered, "but I keep getting arrested!"

Con Flakes

Prisons sometimes don't afford excellent healthcare, particularly for long-standing conditions.

Take an inmate with very flaky skin for example - a condition called psoriasis.

As the guard noted..."it's likely he is trying to escape - one piece at a time"

Neologisms - 11

Buffle (noun also verb intransitive)

The little bum shuffle that takes you from a reading position in bed to a sleeping position. Frequently served with a twist. The challenge is to make the movement as free and smooth as possible, albeit heavily disturbed by having to take off your specs and turn out the light.

Flame-Grilled Karma

I spent a bit of time with a patient at the end of my shift. I was hungry but I didn't need to be anywhere, not really. She wanted cocaine and she wanted some Valium so I wrote a prescription for her Valium while I was having a chat with her.
She was six weeks into her seventh antidepressant, her doctors blindly failing to see the nonsense in their prescriptive decision-making.
And she said this to me...."I have never had a doctor speak to me like this before". (And I hadn't told her to take a hike. She didn't look like much of  a walker).
For somebody who required two recreational drugs, this was an impressive attention span.  (But I'll be honest, I was really delivering!). It's a compelling thing to have somebody's attention when you think you're doing good. But the good I was doing was largely critical of many of the people who thought they were doing her good (and being paid for doing so), starting with the prescriber of her seventh antidepressant, and working up or down to every counsellor who raped her memory to make her repeatedly relive her historical pains.
For her own good of course.

I found myself resorting to examples of shellshocked First World War veterans. She needed permission that it was okay to block these thoughts. IT'S OKAY!!!! It's a great coping strategy. But she'd been told by her counsellors, it wasn't okay. Doing harm. Inexcusable.

By the end of the 45 minutes, I tore up the prescription. I told her she didn't need it. She didn't argue. By this point she was possibly in a slight trance - just the sort of state where change can occur most easily. (Ask any hypnotist). I reminded her that benzodiazepines cause amnesia, and suggested that if I did prescribe then she might forget to mull over the chat we just had, might fail to rehearse a new more constructive pattern. If that happened, I told her, I might feel bad (implying she wouldn't want that -  it's the sort of dirty trick I employ on occasions). Short of surgery, I don't really care how they receive change, as long as they receive it. Loud and painfully clear. People remember pain. Teaching through physical violence is largely under-explored in modern medicine (the domestic arrangements of surgeons aside, that is).
I often imply to patients that if they've enjoyed the conversation, they should try and recall it. Rehearse an aspect of it that may benefit them.
She'll remember that conversation.

I was a bit late for my planned tea but I ended up making a very tasty burger.... a very tasty burger indeed.
From Scotland via Lidl.
Normally, it's very hard to find a good burger.
But that's karma.

And if you don't think so, I've got five knuckles with your face on 'em.

The Bomb

Twice one day this week, I was asked the same question - which is actually a prefix to a question…. "Can I ask your professional opinion about x?".
I can't tell you how unusual a request that is for me. Largely because it bestows an unnatural amount of respect upon, in this case, me. It's unnatural. I'm not used to it. Disorientating.

Later,  I saw another patient today who ended every half sentence with the word "Sir". I used to do a bit of this myself but in equalising status between the participants of the consultation I don't do it so much any more. It doesn't seem equal. But having it done on me is an incredibly powerful weapon of manipulation. Maybe that's why I dumped it. You can feel yourself being persuaded. And like a placebo it doesn't make it less effective just because you know what's going on.
To be manipulated by your own humility is subtle plutonium.

Quotable Me - 10

"When real life gets more real, we needs less reportage and more inspiration.

Less news and more muse".

Cash for Questions

I'm pretty annoyed with my local supermarket.

They always seem to do it for other people whenever I ask for cashback, they give me a really hard time.

They offer it to the fella in front and sometimes if I don't pack that quickly I hear them offering it to the chap behind.

I have tried to work out what's going on because it's like there's one rule for one and etc, etc.

I even had the supermarket manager by the throat this week. To be fair, he actually offered a suggestion.

He said it might be because I always pay in cash.

Apparently when you do this and ask for cashback, they prefer to call it "change". 

Picky, I say.

TryFryFly

I went to a talk by Mitch Altman at the recent Maker Faire featured in my vid below.

He gave a short inspirational talk about the familiarity of giving new and creative things a "go", accepting and embracing the inevitable failures, and enjoying the process of creative expression as hopefully it thrives towards ever broader success.

Familiar concepts? Yes.....but always worth a reminder.

I summarise it like this.

Try.

Fry.

Fly.

Neologisms 9

Subscuffing: 

When putting a sweater over a shirt, the gripping of the unfastened shirt cuffs with the fingertips of either hand. Used to prevent an unpleasant uprising.