Magic

But where is magic in this modern world? 

Is there is even place for it?

Does it have a location?

Do we get directions?

And if we do, will it disappear as we get closer?

In science, the answer is No, because everything we stare at long enough becomes more interesting.

But the science of everyday life isn't yet a science at all. It's an art and generally not yet a fine one. It's a young one, a fighting one. It's a crying child and a cruel lesson. It is many battles. It's a war for seven ages.

And along our road, we will look for magic. I don't mean tricks. There is more to magic than tricks that we don't follow. (Though who but the magicmen and tricksters take the opportunity to deliver such magical moments?)

If we accept there is nothing new under the sunset, then shadows of a long evening may be cast on what we have cast out. Witchcraft. Worship of deities. Sugary drinks and miniskirts. And before we know it everything is reborn. Everything can be returned, regenerated, rewrapped and resold.

And even as the magical thinking now panders to long discredited pseudosciences (nutrition theory, homoeopathy, fad diets, anything Gwyneth Paltrow promotes), even as we rebrand the spiritual age with a small 's' and continue our search for the humanity that progress and politics excised…even as this happens, even as all this renews, what has receded … is re-seeded. 

And the magic we were looking for still lies where it always has - in the four-chambered metaphor that is the human heart.

Stepping Out

You have to get out into the world a bit. 

Stretch, scratch at the walls,peel at the paper, poke your finger through the cracks.

And you have to keep getting out there.

You have to keep stepping on. 

Stepping up. 

Stepping out.

Our basic childhood training for this is usually (in the West at least) a set of "off-the-shelf" goals - passing exams, getting your fire-lighting badge, surviving a questionable piece of casting in the school nativity play … whatever. Not everybody can carry it off but when you've played the Mother of the Saviour of the human race in a all-boys school… well…everything else is a sideways step.

But these goals are just warmups to get used to the idea of the beginning, middle and end.

And eventually those goals are complete. Or at the very least, in the past. Either way they are over.

Of course you can continue in the same vein.

More exams, more certificates.

You can find new goals to tackle in the same way.

Or new goals to tackle in a new way.

And that new way can be one that somebody else has already invented or an iteration that you innovate yourself.

That's your job.

That's it.

To find what motivates you, and use your techniques of learning to survive. Finding teachers when you need them and guiding teachers when they come up short.

And while you are doing that, you can use it to get out into the world and make sure the world doesn't close in on you.

Take Permission and Commission a Position

There's a thing about writing and not writing. 

There's a thing about reading and not reading. 

There is a thing about exposure and processing and communication. 

And it's this.

The doing of these things gives you permission.

Imagine the scene from a sitcom and a line from a low-status character to a Captain Mannering, or to Captain Blackadder for that matter.

"Permission to observe, Sir".

Permission to observe. That's what this sort of engagement gives you. Writing in particular.

Permission to mind the gap between doing and not doing.

And permission to consider where exactly that ends, and where duty to act begins.

Ones and Zeros

There are two types of people in this world – people who want to have children, and people who want to continue to be able to swear out loud while driving.

Chatty Man

Do you like talking about serious topics?

Because I kind of do. 

I don't claim to be an expert at any of them and I can  always talk about movie sequels and who is going into the Big Brother house if you want.

But sometimes you can move beyond Batman v Superman to discuss whether they should build a wall between Mexico and the United States or a new Silk Road between China and the Mediterranean or just about anything else that is dark and interesting.

Of course n as we are no longer living in a country with free speech, controversial territory increasingly puts people on edge but the edges are where the interesting stuff happens.

The problem of course is that you have to be careful who you enter into these conversations with.

You have got to know your enemy, whether you'll be picked up on finishing your sentences with a preposition or lambasted for being a something-ist.

It can easily become not very enjoyable at all.

You can easily end up talking to somebody as though you stepped into a time machine and awoke in the sixth form common room.

Somebody who is a fully subscribed socialist or tie-wearing Tory – it makes little difference. 

The more narrowminded they are, the less interesting conversations are going to be.

What happens then is that you will end up being the story. Disaster. 

The reason serious conversations are okay it because it's okay to be funny about them.

You can use the same sense of humour as you would if you are commenting on a Strictly elimination.

You can express an opinion and tart up with a little bit of froth to make people feel better about themselves.

You can use a lightness of touch.

And ram it down their throats.

Ghetto Truths

I is not a typo !

Figmentaton

Radio 4 this morning announced the cure for grey hair.

Well that's what we always think in our minds when somebody has discovered a relevant gene.

And okay, the gene only applied to South Americans but what the hell!

Maybe a very fine nibbed pen could stick a few highlights on it anyway.

If you don't yet know the format of the Today programme - two people get invited to bat it out for 2 or 3 min.

So who do you get?

Well in this case, you get the scientist behind the research. 

And some old dear from Saga.

Up first, the scientist carefully explained about finding the gene behind the pigment.

And the riposte from the old dear from Saga followed

"With it being melatonin, the scientist might well be able to cure grey hair but perhaps nobody would get any sleep".

"Not melatonin.... melanin", he gently corrected, with the tone of voice that seemed to recommended a Rich Tea biscuit and an episode of Call the Midwife before bed.

She also noted the unfairness of men getting even sexier as the Silver Fox years approach. It was almost enough to make me cancel my Just For Men subscription.

Almost.

Crisis in Reality Television

A new emergency was reported today threatening the future of all television reality programs.

Excessive demand has meant that  75% of TV production companies have run out of pizzicato music.

Localised pockets of low supply were ignored and have led to a disaster of Rolfian proportions.

The cheery resource, designed to punctuate a quirky scene, or introduce a couple of new characters walking up a street, or somebody arriving with a bunch of flowers at an unexpected door, or a little bit of something going a little bit wrong, or just about anything else has come as an absolute surprise to clueless executives.

The musical form previously reserved exclusively for Polkas has undergone such a resurgence in recent years that it has become a firm friend of Gordon Ramsay's Kitchens  and Duncan Bannatyne's Dens. 

The tinkly incidental pretty much follows Alex Polizzi wherever she goes.

Hillary DeVey (pronounced like Bouquet and certainly not  like Deevy) was quoted as saying. "It makes my foot itch how nobody saw this shortage coming".

So next time you see your gazpacho starter scoring 6/10, or watch somebody finding a spider under the duvet, pity the poor old pizzicato players.

There are only three currently licensed in this country.

And two of them have been off with stress since the Christmas specials.