Cruet but kind

It's not often I give away one of my main dietary secrets but if you could have unlimited access to a tasty calorie-free food that is dirt cheap, wouldn't you eat more of it?
Of course you would!
A food that your body loves and yet will put nothing on your hips and is one of the cheapest things at Tesco?
That's right.
A delicious no-brainer?
Manna from Morrisons?

That's why I've been eating more salt.
What do you need with your fish and chips?
Salt!
With your Salt and Shake crisps?
Salt!
And shake.
Remember when people used to put them mountains of salt on the side of their plate instead of sprinkling it all over?
Who did that? Old people, that's who. People who lived to be old.
And how did they get old? With a lifelong commitment to delicious salt.
It's essential for every cell in your body and full of crystalline goodness.
Load up a few mounds of salt today. It's the ultimate convenience food.
Cut ready to be poured and licked directly from the palm of the hand.

And you'd be hard pressed to say that about vinegar!

Eat more salt!

(From the Salt Advisory Board)

What is a poem?

A contraction of concern
An epithet of threat
A way of saying what you think
A pithy, verbal debt

Or written so it must be read
As code or playful cypher
The cloud of sunshine.
The ray of rain
That lovers give a life for

A surgical incision
Like you take a knife to cutlet
With simile or metaphor
In lilting rhyming couplet

An instruction from the teacher
When she gives you all the time
To write a little masterpiece
(You don’t have to make it rhyme)

A recipe of taste and thought
In a package of expedience
A distillation of all we know
That’s more than its ingredients

It’s everything we think, we feel
A wiki of the soul
It’s the cherry on the cake
Or added to life’s bowl.

A beating re-creation
That examines and inspects
The brio and allegro
Of drugs, rock, roll, and sex.

An eyebrow-lifting smile
In a mirror that reflects
A pulse in rallentando
Con heart.
Con soul.
Con text.

Joke 3

I thought of my 3rd ever joke today ( I can't think of the other 2)

I have tested it on my work colleagues and they correclty assessed it as rubbish (and that when I performed the punchline with a brilliantly staid John Wayne impression, my itchy fingers dancing over my invisible holsters, and more than a measure of enthusiasm).
Here it comes:

Q. How did John Wayne come off heroine?

A. With Drawl

Thank you.

The D is for Difficulty

The problem with going to DIY stores is you spend a lot of time ' visiting wood' which is nowhere near as much fun as it sounds.

I saw a self-assembly bird table today.
Honestly. I'd like to see them try!
It's hard enough with opposable thumbs.

Outsiderism and the Conventioneers

Outside is a good place to start.
And not a bad place to finish.

We all end up outside - sediment in a jar, just a too-light pile of ash and fireproof Levi's rivets.
Or under the sod. Inside a box I grant you, but I can see those worms getting in eventually and that's outside to me.

A metaphorical outside is the best perspective.
Ask the Undercover Boss. Ask the Secret Millionaire. Ask Watchdog.
It may be the only perspective worth having.
And when you roll with it, the extremes are more severe and the journey is more fun.
Riskier, yes.
Treacherous of course.
Villainy and danger await.
If you cannot stand the heat, get back inside the kitchen.

What are you outside from?
What are you without?
Well "convention" of course.
Outsiderism is an entrepreurial spirit. All progress depends on the unreasonable man (G.B. Shaw).
So be unreasonable. Do it with a twinkle. And some will "get it".
Call those people friends.


There is a concept of Outsider Art. I only know this from a Jarvis Cocker (template outsidist) documentary which hauled him round the US to look at outside artistic installations be they made of tin cans or sand dunes.

A little outsiderism is a good condition.
It gives your opinion voice and credibility and lessens the fear to act.
Outsiders are the best people there are.

You are outsider art.
And you are your own masterpiece.

Things you don't want to hear (at work)

"Can I have a word in private please?"