Car 6

There are people who increasingly think that Jimmy Carr should be piloting Thunderbird 6.

Best Intentions

How much of your afternoon should you actually spend working on new inventions?

I fear I may have overdone it on my solar-powered winter bird bath defroster.

Mission Impossible: Coast Protocol

Yesterday I got trapped by the tide.

I walked out on the sunniest October day in recorded history and found a dry rock.

That was my mission.

Whereas years ago I might have got out my crab hook (what a cruel instrument - I was never comfy with it, but then I wasn't big on shrimp nets either so you takes your choice), there was a new game in town.

It wasn't busy and I was high on crack cocaine so I didn't really notice that the people I was sharing Tynemouth Longsands with were largely walking in the opposite direction.

I tramped across the rocks patting myself on the back for my nimble craghopping expertise, my years of experience at the British coast paying dividends to anyone who noticed.

No-one did.

I tutted that less (entirely imaginary) mortals might hesitate, slip, and I trotted on cockily finding myself the best barnacle coated rock (there was a clue right there) that delivered both dryness at an acceptable price along with comfort for my bot.

I chose to accept it.

5 minutes.

It was really chance that I turned round.

I could easily have been there another 20.

The rocks had gone, the sea had returned and there was 30 yards between me and the rest of the sunbathers in dry freedom.

Ordinarily I'd offer you some extended metaphor about how we are all trapped by the tide. But there was no time to lose. (And I'd really be referring to your life not mine).

And this is my blog. Write your own.

It was off with the shoes, up with the trouser legs and away, making a note to advise everyone coming in the opposite direction that the tide was actually going out.

As a joke.

It's times like that you're glad you don't carry your mobile phone.

Because someone was about to get very wet.

Quick question for you....

What am I like?