Do Cheese

I received a cheese making kit at Christmas.

I know. That's what I thought.

But unbelievably in a fit of unparalleled commitment, I actually did choose a cheese from the recipe booklet to make shortly after the festivities.

I chose a goat's cheese.

But I did make the error of not buying goat's milk.

Somehow hoping the process itself would add goat.

Perhaps with... I don't know...a shimmy of my muslin cloth. 

Or adding in the citric acid like Ainsley Harriet might add a little bit of Percy Pepper.

I decided to add a few herbs to make it look like a ricotta and I'm pleased to report that I managed to finish most of it before it the attractions of non-recyclable bin day came round.

That is all.

Quotable Me 25

You don't follow dreams - they follow you.

You drive dreams. 

Then they drive you.

I'm not claiming any meteorological prowess but

I've just seen on the news that the weather is brought to us by Bridgestone Tyres and nPower.

I'm pretty sure it's not.

Memo

Note to SKY TV:

When you offer people "a chance to see the programmes everyone's talking about... like True Detective Season 2" ...make sure they are not talking about them because they are crap.

WasHer DryHer

These new washing machines with baby cycles....I do not agree with it.

It's no way to wash a baby.

Although ....

...these engineers can't be idiots... I might give it a go ...maybe start on a Silks setting with a short spin.

That can't do any harm.

I assume they put the childproof lock on the inside. 

Yes I think I'm ready for a dry run...now where's that cat ?

Ten things that have arrived on my tits

• Anybody who eats anything in any cinema screening I attend (I'm not a maniac. I have no problem with the other 99.999% of screenings)
• Putting soap in the softener drawer (Clown!) 
• Chicken-flavoured crisps - hardly a sapictive phenomenon - they are the the waste of a taste bud, readied and primed for an experience.
• The response of the 999 operator when you tell them you have put soap in the softener drawer.
• People who say Happy Monday to you (or any other day of the week. This isn't 1984. I'm okay with any festival-related greeting though. I'm not a maniac)
• Lyme disease
• How irons are filled.
• Re-released albums (Pleeease! This isn't 1983)
• American Mother's Day (that's caused me more than it's fair share of confusion and guilt)
• People who don't take the door from you when you hold it open for them (usually pregnant women or utter bastards)

Changing Fashions

Look like I'm behind the times again... time to update my knicker drawer.

A4 Gone - Conclusion

Come on now...

I know you've raced to the sliding trapdoor.

You might even have reached for the mains source.

You might have pressed the red button or Cancel or anything for three seconds or more....

But...

Has anybody ever successfully cancelled a printing job...ever?

We should be told.

Advice

I am just writing my appraisal submission..

I am currently backing up the section on 'Communication, partnership and teamwork' with that highest level of evidence...the personal self-interested assertion.

You do lose your perspective after a while writing all this guff so just to check...there's nothing wrong with this sentence is there?

"I treat all patients as equals, even the women".

After a while you just not sure if your 'eye' is still in, if you are still riding the crest of that guff-writing flow state.

Now I see it written down it looks fine. 

I'm not going to even bother mentioning the Mexicans.

Wog on the Prog

The fashion for limited "event" series in the wake of our successes.. so here we are for a limited run.

For many of us, there wasn't a time when Terry Wogan wasn't a part of our lives.

An original who appeared to do things his own way retaining an edginess with a mattress of double entendre.

As useless on a TV chat show as he was brilliant on the radio, I spent time part of my childhood laughing in hysterics at the comic antics on Blankety Blank.

We are living in a time where the changing of the guard is more palpable every day.

I'm worried that the new uniforms don't fit the new incumbents particularly well. The material isn't quite made of the same quality and the texture is cheap.

A world which waits for tributes from Scott Mills and Nick 'Grimmy' Grimshaw is a sad, pathetic and desperate one.

Terry's Old Geezers represented the mature bunch who hadn't lost their sense of humour, who could still laugh at life while enjoying all of its rich tapestry and idiocy, keeping their brains alive with a generosity of spirit, a glass of port and strong core values, even as their body fails.

The simple overriding fact is a cliche.

We won't see their like again.

It's not that they got it all right.

I went to see Doug Richard in a theatre a couple of years ago talking about start-ups and business. He was a Dragon from California in the first two series of Dragon's Den.

I don't think he has even been required to sign up to the sex offender's list for having sex with a 13-year-old girl who weighed less than six stone, despite giving her money for it (not payment of course, a gift to reflect the good times they shared).

This is a legal loophole for sex with children known as "reasonable belief" [that she was 16, and therefore an ideal partner for 57-year-old "family" man]. 

Laws made by lawyers. Idiots running the asylum.

Don't you think he knew his defence before it was required?

Legal sexual abuse of children on our high street paid for my millionaire TV celebrities. And not just once in his case but hundreds of times.

There is no prison sentence for this. Not even a slap on the wrist.

He could still run for President.

But don't be alarmed. He's getting therapy to treat his addiction. 

Praise the Lord.

The guard is changing. Richard must've been flustered to see that his birthright to buy and sell children had been challenged. After all he had plenty of money. What could possibly be the problem?

Ethics and decency are squeezed every day by people who prize instant gratification above all things.

But at least once upon a time, there was Radio 2.

And we still have Ken.