There's been a lot of funny dates recently.
It started with 11 1 11. There's since been an 11 11 11.
Yesterday it was 2012 2011, today it's 211 211.
It's all kicking off.
Next year of course there'll be a 20-12 2012, there'll be a 12 12 12, a 211112. A 21212.
Well, you can make up your own.
There are palindromes, mirrored codes and secret ciphers all over the place.
It's a conspiracy theorist's bumper harvest.
And of course the world is going to end.
According to our Mayan friends 2012 will bring Armageddon.
The Rapture will follow with the good souls ascending into heaven, or as I like to call it .... space.
And the rest of us foraging for whatever the cockroaches leave behind.
So here's my advice... do your Christmas shopping early.
You might take an alternative view of course and save a lot of money by leaving it all until the last possible minute.
It's certainly true that the high street is relying on an unseasonably late rapture in 2012.
Wednesday, 21 December 2011
Monday, 19 December 2011
Tuesday, 13 December 2011
Sunday, 4 December 2011
Back When - a retrospective
When you wrote with the hope Jim would fix your dream.
And turned off each light with a bedtime routine.
When mouses squeaked instead of clicked.
And dancing wasn’t so colourfully strict.
When a job was for life and a pension was waiting.
When Sunday was just for creating and waiting.
And the weather was weather and not Armageddon.
When we had a few senses we hadn't yet deadened.
When pies left on sills always got snaffled.
And police were hard-working but invariably baffled.
When what defined rivalry was Beano V Dandy.
When you sniggered at singers who called themselves Randy.
When a finger of Fudge was never enough.
And toys were made to be Tonka tough.
And you could tell a Bully because it prefixed their name.
And a bunch of daffs was, well, exactly the same.
Before TV taught us to be an Apprentice.
And sweets were a treat when you’d been to the dentist.
When state of the art was a propelling pencil
And you'd the perfect excuse to use a chemistry stencil.
When homework seemed so trigonometrically tricky,
When you're keeping half an eye on Metal Mickey.
And you wondered how ever you could take a wife.
When Daisy Duke was such a part of your life.
When your name said by teacher was highly alarming.
And geography included arable farming
Along with the habitat of the cotton boll weevil.
While sports teachers defined a new type of evil.
Before the loss that the loss of innocence causes.
Before we gave in to so many divorces.
And you thought that a Church was a place you'd be safe.
Till the children fell silent and were told “Be brave”.
When fear was installed into a nation
As the evening news told of yet another detonation.
Before home taping killed music dead.
(Or was that Deeply Dippy by Right Said Fred?)
When a Carry On film was a guilty pleasure
And a golden hare was a national treasure
And jokes were not so much offensive as bawdy,
And you weren't really sure how to say “Audi”.
When Frustration was designed to cure your boredom,
Before the abomination formerly known as Jordan.
With exams, tests, rehearsals, you put all you could in.
Yet happiness was still a spare Yorkshire pudding.
When you were still entertained by Alphabetti Spaghetti.
But danger wasn’t danger without Hans Moretti.
When you could dismiss without needing abbreviation.
When a smile was a smile and not punctuation.
When you would ask Why and were told Because.
Then you could believe it was butter.
Because it was.
And turned off each light with a bedtime routine.
When mouses squeaked instead of clicked.
And dancing wasn’t so colourfully strict.
When a job was for life and a pension was waiting.
When Sunday was just for creating and waiting.
And the weather was weather and not Armageddon.
When we had a few senses we hadn't yet deadened.
When pies left on sills always got snaffled.
And police were hard-working but invariably baffled.
When what defined rivalry was Beano V Dandy.
When you sniggered at singers who called themselves Randy.
When a finger of Fudge was never enough.
And toys were made to be Tonka tough.
And you could tell a Bully because it prefixed their name.
And a bunch of daffs was, well, exactly the same.
Before TV taught us to be an Apprentice.
And sweets were a treat when you’d been to the dentist.
When state of the art was a propelling pencil
And you'd the perfect excuse to use a chemistry stencil.
When homework seemed so trigonometrically tricky,
When you're keeping half an eye on Metal Mickey.
And you wondered how ever you could take a wife.
When Daisy Duke was such a part of your life.
When your name said by teacher was highly alarming.
And geography included arable farming
Along with the habitat of the cotton boll weevil.
While sports teachers defined a new type of evil.
Before the loss that the loss of innocence causes.
Before we gave in to so many divorces.
And you thought that a Church was a place you'd be safe.
Till the children fell silent and were told “Be brave”.
When fear was installed into a nation
As the evening news told of yet another detonation.
Before home taping killed music dead.
(Or was that Deeply Dippy by Right Said Fred?)
When a Carry On film was a guilty pleasure
And a golden hare was a national treasure
And jokes were not so much offensive as bawdy,
And you weren't really sure how to say “Audi”.
When Frustration was designed to cure your boredom,
Before the abomination formerly known as Jordan.
With exams, tests, rehearsals, you put all you could in.
Yet happiness was still a spare Yorkshire pudding.
When you were still entertained by Alphabetti Spaghetti.
But danger wasn’t danger without Hans Moretti.
When you could dismiss without needing abbreviation.
When a smile was a smile and not punctuation.
When you would ask Why and were told Because.
Then you could believe it was butter.
Because it was.
Wednesday, 23 November 2011
Dark Adapted Eyes
Take a step forward into the story of life.
It is a story full of characters and they look a lot like us. It's not quite a metaphor but it seems a lot like one.
So just take a single step into a brave new territory.
The ground may look fresh and tempting. But unless you have the clearest, brightest vision directly in front of you, you are bound to clock the peripheral shadows.
Those beady eyes high in the trees, waiting.
Waiting to pounce.
Waiting for you to slip. To fail.
A hardy oak full of ‘I told you sos’.
A tall redwood decorated with ‘What were you thinking?'
The puppet masters are just out of sight. Some are playful, some malevolent.
Because it's their world after all, isn't it?
We are their puppets.
At least until you.
And I.
Decide differently.
It is a story full of characters and they look a lot like us. It's not quite a metaphor but it seems a lot like one.
So just take a single step into a brave new territory.
The ground may look fresh and tempting. But unless you have the clearest, brightest vision directly in front of you, you are bound to clock the peripheral shadows.
Those beady eyes high in the trees, waiting.
Waiting to pounce.
Waiting for you to slip. To fail.
A hardy oak full of ‘I told you sos’.
A tall redwood decorated with ‘What were you thinking?'
The puppet masters are just out of sight. Some are playful, some malevolent.
Because it's their world after all, isn't it?
We are their puppets.
At least until you.
And I.
Decide differently.
Monday, 21 November 2011
Bertha’s Bottom - a poem
Bertha’s bottom was close to the floor
This would help her to reach a very low drawer
Mostly however it got up her nose
Shopping in Children's for most of her clothes.
Amongst gathered opinion came parental advice,
A shortness of leg was a family trait.
But at least tea tonight was going to be nice
And she took some reassurance
She was still only eight.
This would help her to reach a very low drawer
Mostly however it got up her nose
Shopping in Children's for most of her clothes.
Amongst gathered opinion came parental advice,
A shortness of leg was a family trait.
But at least tea tonight was going to be nice
And she took some reassurance
She was still only eight.
Sunday, 20 November 2011
Tess - a poem
I have a dog called Tess
She jumps over into next door's garden
When she wants a beg-your-pardon
Just lucky, I guess!
(I used to have a book of poems by Spike Milligan and this was the only one I could very nearly remember:
From Sydney Zoo
An Alligator
Was put on board
A flying freighter.
He ate the pilot
And the navigator
Then asked for more,
With mashed potater.
True story apparently. The effort above is a little mime to his style)
She jumps over into next door's garden
When she wants a beg-your-pardon
Just lucky, I guess!
(I used to have a book of poems by Spike Milligan and this was the only one I could very nearly remember:
From Sydney Zoo
An Alligator
Was put on board
A flying freighter.
He ate the pilot
And the navigator
Then asked for more,
With mashed potater.
True story apparently. The effort above is a little mime to his style)
Saturday, 19 November 2011
The Ultimate Answer to the Oldest Question
Well it's the favourite old sweet question...I know the retro sweet thing has been done to death, but these are (until today) a complete memory lapse that really did hit the spot.
Double agents - delicious flavours (except I wasn't so keen on the strawberry and cream) with a hint of spying. It doesn't get any better than that.
And if you happened to treat yourself to a pack of Smith's Fangs later on, then all the better.
Brilliant!!
Double agents - delicious flavours (except I wasn't so keen on the strawberry and cream) with a hint of spying. It doesn't get any better than that.
And if you happened to treat yourself to a pack of Smith's Fangs later on, then all the better.
Brilliant!!
Friday, 18 November 2011
Name of the Rose
If you believe in God, you’re opinion is backed up by “Faith”.
It is a nice positive quality.
People name their children after it. They do the same with Charity. And Hope. And Destiny.
America loves that sort of thing, branding its young. It’s the ultimate billboard ad.
Of course, if you are not one of the chosen, you are alone with your opinion.
An opinion that tends to be prefixed by words such as lowly or humble.
It's certainly something to be dismissed.
A lot of people might call that bloody good marketing.
This religious thing, it doesn't play by the rules does it?
It is a nice positive quality.
People name their children after it. They do the same with Charity. And Hope. And Destiny.
America loves that sort of thing, branding its young. It’s the ultimate billboard ad.
Of course, if you are not one of the chosen, you are alone with your opinion.
An opinion that tends to be prefixed by words such as lowly or humble.
It's certainly something to be dismissed.
A lot of people might call that bloody good marketing.
This religious thing, it doesn't play by the rules does it?
Thursday, 17 November 2011
Love Hearts - a poem
Like You
I'm Shy
My Girl
Don’t Cry
Trust Me
Be Mine
True Love
Good Time
My Girl
Your Boy
In Love
Your Toy
Find Me
You Dope
New Love
My Hope
Aim High
Catch Me
Lucky Lips
You’ll See
I'm Shy
My Girl
Don’t Cry
Trust Me
Be Mine
True Love
Good Time
My Girl
Your Boy
In Love
Your Toy
Find Me
You Dope
New Love
My Hope
Aim High
Catch Me
Lucky Lips
You’ll See
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